The Incident

No, this isn't the big recap of the LOST season finale that you've probably been hoping for over the past week and a half. It is fitting though that the season 5 finale was titled 'The Incident,' then 2 days later I was in a major bike collision with another biker on the Olentangy bike trail a few miles north of my house. Definitely a major case of life imitating art, and no doubt ironic as well seeing how I'm a major league LOST fan. It was only fitting to name the accident for the episode. It's also fitting that after posting a picture of the Eric Idle biker character from European Vacation that got hit numerous times, the same thing should happen to me a few weeks later. I'm like a blog sage who's able to predict minor future events by posting pictures of them in advance, maybe I'll post a picture of a new Dodge Challenger and see if one shows up on my doorstep. Actually, if my powers are true, I might get hit by a Dodge Challenger. Maybe I'll hold off on that one for now and try another pic. Back to the wreck, I have to be honest by saying it was pretty spectacular. Me and the guy I collided with were going somewhat fast, not super fast, around a blind turn in a residential area of the bike path. After we saw each other, we both zigged the same way (me the right way, him the wrong way) and we absolutely DRILLED each other. I was sure I was going to break at least an arm and/or leg. I landed about 10 feet away from my bike in a guys front yard, landing on the grass was probably my saving grace, the other poor bastard landed smack dab on the concrete and severely messed up his shoulder (he seemed to think it was broken but he wasn't a doctor or anything, it probably was, it didn't look good). I only had a few scratches and felt good all things considering. Luckily the guy had his cell phone with him and was able to call his wife to come pick him up. It was a huge bummer and I felt bad, it was such a nice Friday and this definitely wasn't the way either of us envisioned our ride going. We determined we were both at fault and took the high road and didn't point any fingers, we were both travelling a little too fast through a highly populated residential area where we should have been riding more conservatively. The guy, Jim, was pretty cool about it actually, I offered to wait with him til his wife showed up but he said not to worry about it. I gave him my name and phone #, I haven't heard from him which is a good thing I guess. His bike was pretty beat up though, massively beat front wheel, broken chain, and other bent components. My bike was fairly unscathed, the front wheel was bent a little. It's presently at the bike shop getting service so we'll see on Wednesday if there was anything I missed. The rear derailler was loose but not broken, so we'll see. So, there you go Lauren, the story has been told, my conscious is clean.

And, just to show how much of a trooper I am, I ran the Komen Race for the Cure 5k the next morning. Hobbled and everything, I still made it. I was like Willis Reed at Madison Square Garden for the Knicks back in 70's or 80's or whenever that game was. I suffered in silence though as the Komen is a day for cancer victims/survivors and not for people in bike wrecks, so my story went untold so I wouldn't rain on my mom's parade. The event was pretty crazy though, I thought I was doing good by leaving the house with enough time to get in a 3 mile warmup and still have 15 minutes before race start, this turned out not to be the case. As I jogged closer to the event I was seeing people with bib #'s in the 40,000's! Holy crap, that's bigger than the Chicago Marathon! By the time I got there, I couldn't even find water so I could take my energy gel before the race, DAMMIT! Then, I went to get to where timed runners were supposed to be...uhhh no, not gonna happen. I think I started the race in about 150,000th place, not optimal starting position. The first mile was spent trying to get past people walking, holding hands, and generally trying to be in my way. At the start of mile 2, the crowd had thinned somewhat, but then this ahole kicks me in the foot as he tried to pass me. No big deal I thought, the course is crowded and there had been some arm contact and stuff up to this point so I figured he'd apologize and we'd move on. Sooooo, I look at him looking for a 'sorry man' or 'my bad' but the kid makes eye contact with me and says nothing. Hmmmm, now I'm getting kind of upset, a few more steps are taken and still nothing from my attacker. Game on dickhead! I get right behind the kid and stay about 6 inches behind him so he can hear my every breath, I even started breathing heavier than normal just to make sure he was aware of my presence. This continues until we get to the water stop at the end of mile 2 and the pussy quit. DOUBLE DAMMIT, now I can't even torture this prick for the next mile? Nothing was going my way at the Komen, except for the fact that I was one of the cancer free people I guess. So the last mile was ran in solitude, sans Komen nemesis. The last mile featured tons of bikers on High Street that were honking and reving their engines which was pretty sweet. I finished the race and figured I'd turn around and run counter-course and find my mom, who was doing the survivor walk. Uhhhhh, no chance in hell. It turns out trying to find a short person wearing a pink shirt among 1 million other people wearing pink shirts isn't exactly easy. So, it was a bummer I couldn't find her and finish the race with her, but she was understanding of the situation after the race. This race provided race shirt #5 of the year, cotton and pink, but a race shirt nonetheless.

Race Shirt Heaven

Last post I spun the yarn concerning my trip to Shitsburgh, PA for the half marathon a few weeks ago. I ran out of space before I got to say that the shirt from the event was top shelf, nice moisture wicking material, good sizing, and not gaudy to look at. The only problem is that it's black, which isn't optimal for summer workouts, but oh well. And actually, I somehow managed to get two (2) shirts out of the deal, compared to everybody elses 1 shirt. When we went to the marathon expo to pick up our packets I was handed a bag that had the official race shirt as well as a yellow Nike Dri-Fit shirt as well. When I saw it was an XL (I ordered a L upon registering), I asked my friends what size there yellow shirt was. The only problem was...I was the only person that got one. Apparently there was a mix up and I was given a bag with a shirt that someone had used to put a shirt they had purchased in. At no point in time did I remotely consider taking the free $40 shirt back, this represents reason #10,471 why I'm going to hell. We'll consider the yellow shirt to be shirt #3 of the racing season.

Another thing about Shitsburgh was the bag check on race day. FedEx was one of the sponsors of the race so they had a few package delivery trucks there where you could check a bag while you ran the race. When my friend and I got there we took the bag there assuming it would be there when the race was over, this was not the case. At the end of the race (sweaty, cold, hungary, etc.) we went to get our stuff only to find out they had moved the trucks to a location that was completely impossible to get to. To make a long story short, by the time we managed to get to the trucks and actually get our bag about an hour had passed. They're lucky I didn't catch a cold, a lawsuit would have been in order. But, this did give me a great idea for future races to score tons of free stuff. Buy a few shitty delivery trucks that remotely resemble FedEx delivery trucks, paint them white and make some big FedEx stickers for the sides. Next, drive to a race and set up a
'bag check' and put people's bags in your trucks. After the start of the race, drive off with everyones shit. Boom, the perfect crime. Nobody will know what happened for well over and hour, and by then I'll be long gone. How you like that Danny Ocean?

Fast forward to last Saturday and race shirt #4 from the Springboro YMCA sprint triathlon. We got up ass early to drive over to Dayton so we could be there by 7am to prepare for the 8am start. The swim was inside the Y's pool and was guaranteed to be massive chaos, people going in every 3 seconds, swimming a lap, going under a lane seperator, repeat til at the end of pool. It was like a massive fucking mosh pit, not to mention we had to stand outside half naked in the windy cold for 20 minutes. The swim was mainly ruined by people who needed to stroke their own egos by starting near the end of the line and pass slower swimmers like me, instead of starting near the front where they belong. What a bunch of jerks, I don't even want to talk about it, their lack of sportsmanship bothers me so much. There's no need to ruin my swim just to make yourself feel better dick head, I can't wait to pass your ass on the bike or run. I did the swim in 7:45 which was good for 180th place out of 232 people, yowza! That sucked! Oh well, time to regroup and hit the bike, which was to be my big comeback. I went out like gangbusters and rode hard, passing a lot of people. The odd thing about a triathlon of this format is you don't really know who you're racing because you didn't start at the same time as everyone else. So, if you're even on the course with someone, the person who started after the other in the swim is actually ahead according to the clock. I was making hay bigtime on the bike, did that part in 33:27 which was good for 52nd place during the bike portion, now we're talking.

Time for the 5k run, this should be my time. I popped an energy gel during transition #2 in preperation for the short run, I had never actually run a 5k so figured it would be pretty easy. But, it was also the first time I had biked super hard then attempted to run immediately afterwards so my legs were a bit tired, combined with the fact that I had just busted ass 7 days prior in the half marathon and this could have been some of the hardest 3.1 miles I've ever done! Did the first mile in 8:10, mile 2 had a massive, and I mean MASSIVE downhill, with an immediate turnaround and return trip up Mount Springboro. Did mile 2 in 7:40ish, my watch took a crap which sucked. R.I.P. Ironman watch, ironically it never lived to see me do an Ironman event. I'm not sure what mile 3 was but I was moving pretty good, total run time 24:09, good for 54th place of all runners. Overall time (including the 2 transition areas) 1:08:26, 66th place overall. Eventhough the swim was chaotic and it psyched me out, the event was still fun and I think I did really well for my first tri. I definately look forward to doing another one in the near future. The next planned one is an olympic distance event at Antrim Park in July, which is a 1.5k swim, 40k bike, and 10k run. And, not only was the event fun, but the shirt was high quality as well. I'm not sure, but I'm going to check the message boards to see if I can get an Ironman tattoo or sticker for my car since I've done a tri. If anyone knows the rules about this, let me know.

The Quest for Shirts

Race season is officially upon us and I'm pretty hell bent on collecting as many race shirts as possible as long as it doesn't put my personal health at risk, or enact my overdraft protection. This year is a first for me as I'm not traveling for work and I am actually able to come up with a race schedule and proper training plan. Since I started the whole physical fitness thing I've never been able to plan more than a few weeks in advance so this year looks to be a nice change, and as results suggest so far, it appears to be a positive change. A little more than a month ago I ran my first half marathon in Xenia, and had registered for the Pittsburgh Half Marathon last weekend which was sponsored by Dick's Sporting Goods. Can't the government step in at some point and make them change their name to Bill's or something? Anything but Dick's! What, was Cox Sporting Goods already taken? How about Peter's? I have to assume at some point they've had those odd commercials with interviews of customers who say 'We love Dick's, we buy all our stuff here,' or 'Dick's are the best, we can't get enough,' or perhaps 'Coming inside a Dick's store during a sale is great, I always get more than I bargained for!' It must be great to work in the PR department of Dick's Sporting Goods. Here's a sample conversation for a hypothetical employee:

Person 1- Hey Bill, long time no see. What are you doing now-a-days?

Person 2- Wow, Tony! What are you doing at Chick-Fil-A? I'm doing good thanks. I work in the PR department at Dick's Sporting Goods.

P1- That's great, so you tell everyone how great Dick's are?

P2- Wow, that's pretty fucking original. I've never heard that one before you homophobe. I hope you choke on your Chick-Fil-A, you asshole.

P1- Hey, don't take out your anger on me cause you love Dick's man. How are the wife and kids doing?

P2- Actually, I got divorced cause my wife was cheating on me. Somehow she got custody of the kids too. Didn't you already know that? That happened a while ago.

P1- Yeah, I did. I just wanted to bring it up again. Take care man, good luck in spreading the word about Dick's!

p2- (collapses to the floor crying)

The moral of the story is everyone at the race had a black sack that said Dick's real big on it, awesome. The day before the race was one of the longest few hours of my life though as we had gotten to Pitt early so we could pick up our race packets, and had a lot of time to waste throughout the day before needing to go to bed to get some proper pre-race sleep. I stayed with a high school friend who luckily lives near 3000 bars, and since I was fully prepared to bust ass the following morning while running 13.1 miles, I had no intention of drinking. Another great thing was that it was damn near perfect drinking weather and the Kentucky Derby was on, as well as Bull-Celtics game 7. To top it off, one of my friend's buddies showed up and at one point offered us $100 to drink with him. These are the moments when you decide how serious of a racer you are. It was by far the longest amount of time I've ever spent at a bar without drinking. The old me would have caved for $20, but I held strong and only ended up having 2 beers at our mega-dinner at Buca diBeppo, which I was fine with. Beer has carbs, and carbs are good for endurance events.

Waking up for a 7am start didn't prove too difficult and we were at the event in plenty of time to check a bag/warm-up/etc. The race had around 10,000 entrants, so it was by far the biggest race I've ever participated in which was cool. The race had a good vibe too, the city hadn't had one for the previous 5 years so it was the big return, and the city seemed fairly excited to have it. My goal was to start out faster than I had at Xenia, then cruise from there, my main goal was to break into the 1:30's and finish in the top 20% of the half marathon field. They had pace groups which I'd never seen either so I got near one of those with the expectation of hanging it with for a while before speeding up. At race start I was feeling good and ready to put in a good effort, the weather was perfect, nice and cool, overcast with no sun. Mile 1 was 7:33 (roughly 45 seconds faster than mile 1 at Xenia), mile 2 was 7:38 (about 20 seconds faster), then mile 3 was 7:05 (about 40 seconds faster), so after 3 miles I was 1:45 ahead of my previous best. This was far faster than I was hoping but was still feeling good and breathing alright. I jobbed out miles 4-7 in good time 7:18, 7:23, 7:24, 7:27, really consistant, over halfway home and looking good. Total time to mile 7, 52:32. Mile 8 went through a neighborhood with a few hills and I started to feel fatigue set it, the plan was to take my energy gel at the end of mile 8 anyway so this seemed fine, to take the gel I had to slow a bit which produced the slowest mile of the race @ 7:48. Mile 9 was 7:30, then mile 10 I crashed, going out so fast had taken it's toll and I was starting to feel it, the gel didn't prove to be much help. But, while I felt terrible and thought I was going slow, the watch said otherwise, mile 10 in 7:42, not too bad. At this point I was really struggling and the finish line couldn't come soon enough, I was convinced I did mile 11 in 8:30, Mr. Ironman watch corrected me, 7:48. I also felt slow because a few people started passing me, which I hate. More pain and suffering in mile 12, 7:37, 1.1 to go, feet don't fail me now. Normally, I'd kick pretty good the last mile (@ Xenia mile 13 was my fastest mile @ 7:18), here...no such luck. Some dbag little kid passed me at some point and I was about ready to punch him, there's no way this punk had run the previous 12 miles! Mile 13 was 7:46, then I sprinted the last tenth in 45.74 seconds. Total time- 1:38:49. I was pretty wrecked after the race but was happy with the good PR. The results proved odd though, at Xenia (which apparently is one of the most competitive races in the country) I ran 2 minutes slower than this time and finished in the top 21% of half marathoners. Here, out of 4105 1/2er's I was 182nd, top 4.43%! Strange, must not have been a very competitive field, but I'll take it! Out of 1675 men, I was 145th (top 8.66%). And age group, I was 19 out of 275, for top 6.91%.

Overall, the race was fun....hard, but fun. The course was good, and I think it sets up to run a fast time. The event was very well organized and I would encourage anyone to do it next year, I'm sure the race will only get bigger (if the organizers increase the field, they had to cap it this year cause so many people registered). And I'm definately super happy with the result. It was good to realize I felt so bad but still ran good times, that will help out big time in future races when I feel like crap. Really nice race shirt too! Shirt #2 of the season! I'll try to get out the epic tale of shirt #3 from yesterday in the upcoming week!