It's come to my attention recently that I'm completely addicted to pop (if you're a southerner you probably know it as soda or Coke). For the past few years I've done a really good job of drinking it sparsely and hadn't even bought any for home consumption (that didn't involve mixing with liquor) since I lived in Chicago over 4 years ago, that's the God honest truth. But recently...oh boy have I fallen off the wagon. While I still haven't bought any for home use (again, besides mixing with the hard stuff) I've probably been drinking pop 6 days a week. I never, uh hem..rarely, have it with dinner (which I find to be an odd moral victory), and never get the king size 48 oz. drinks at fast food joints, but sometimes I just really go to town, especially after long workouts. Two weeks ago I vowed to put this nonsense to an end and have been staying pretty strong. But...POP IS SOOOOO GOOD! But...it's also like drinking battery acid, and for a highly trained athlete like myself, that can't last. So, this is my Alamo, no more pop while I train for running a long unspecified distance. Any words of encouragement during this struggle with carbonated dependence are greatly appreciated.
Another thing that has come up on my radar recently is the difference between Velveeta Shells and Cheese vs. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Let's be serious here, there is absolutely no comparison... as long as you are not an 8 year old. The uneducated mind of an 8 year old is simple and ignorant on the subject of mass produced pastas mixed with cheese that come in a small cardboard box so they are not worthy to join this discussion. Velveeta is the Mercedes of this niche food, while Kraft is the ugly basic US car with shitty instruments that you just hope you get 3 good years out of before you have to jettison it for a nicer and more reliable import. The difference between Velveeta and Kraft is like the eternal struggle between Target and Wal-Mart. Sure, Wal-Mart has cheap plasticy crap that will save you a buck, but at the end of the day, wouldn't you rather pay that extra dollar and see some cute girls at the Target on Olentangy River Road near Ohio State's campus? I think we all know the answer to that one. Velveeta is in a class of its own, unless you're going to compare it to some killer homemade shit that your mom taught you how to make that has ground beef and/or bacon bits involved. Now, I understand there might be some outrage for my lack of respect for Kraft Mac & Cheese. I was once a kid and dined upon Kraft and probably even liked it at the time. Having some Mac & Cheese and some hot dogs and putting them on the same plate, and having some of the ketchup getting mixed in with the pasta, those were heady days for sure. But as I look back, I now realize that I was a child with no spine because I refused to stand up for what is right, which is Velveeta Shells and Cheese on the plates of every decent American. One horrible sidenote to Velveeta, I made some for dinner tonight and looked at the nutritional info on the box and noticed that if you take down the whole box you're pumping nearly 1000 calories into your system. That is ludicrous.
This debate made me think of another battle that wages every day for thousands of citizens in this great country of ours during lunch hour, Quiznos or Subway? Bitch please, Subway doesn't even hold a candle to Quiznos in this argument. The only thing they have going for them is their chocolate chip cookies and bags of apple slices. Besides that, Subway is useless to me. Their attempt to 'toast' subs is a day late and a dollar short in my mind, microwaving their sandwiches like they do is a slap in the face to the good people of Quiznos who actually bake a little love into all their delicious sandwiches. Is Quiznos kind of pricey? Absolutely, but have you been into a Subway lately and gotten a footlong meal deal combo? Dear christ, it's the same price. And after the mental anquish of dealing with tightwad Subway employees, Quiznos comes out miles ahead every day of the week and twice on Sundays. Seriously Subway employees, do you actually pay for veggies/condiments out of your own pockets? For fuck sake, when I ask for jalapenos, I don't mean "could you please put 2 jalapeno slices on my 12" sandwich." I mean "put a lot of fucking jalapenos on my sandwich so I can actually taste them you douchebag." Goddamn that pisses me off.
Here's your music video of the day: C'mere by Interpol. One of my ten favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. This is on my running playlist on my iPod, when I'm in trouble I dial this up during a run. Enjoy
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS!
Actually, I just wrote that headline to get you more excited about this post...if that's possible. After a 4 day absence, I'm sure you're chomping at the bit for some new material from The King of Kings, Brandon C. Deagle, ESQ. We in the business call that headline tactic 'the hook.' Studies show that people who read the first sentence of a blog are 73% more likely to read the whole post than people who merely read the headline. Actually, I completely made that up as well, but if someone in the advertising/marketing field were to tell me that...I would believe it without question. But, you've already read this far, so why quit now? You're not a quitter are you? Only Taliban and Al-Qaeda are quitters, and you're not one of them are you? I didn't think so, so enjoy the rest of this post and the ones to follow that I'm sure you'll read unconditionally. Its been 4 whole days since we last talked and a lot has gone down in my world since then so let's get to it. Actually, this was a pretty quiet weekend so I'll probably write about something else.
Topic #1- In an attempt to expand my verbal horizons and stay mentally sharp I subscribed some time ago to a daily email called 'Word of the Day.' You can check it out here if you're not to vacuous. To pass on this adeptness to my glorious readers, I will be dispersing some of these words throughout my posts, to help you proliferate your mental acuity as well. It will be kind of a little divertissement that we, me the writer and you the reader, will play to see if you can find these appellations and start to use them in your everyday life. A game of cat and mouse if you will, except in this game everyone will be a winner because we will be gaining knowledge together (I wanted to find a little known, formal word for knowledge, but as it turns out there aren't any better alternatives, imagine that).
Topic #2- I saw 'Frost/Nixon' last night and thought it was pretty excellent. I had a really odd feeling though as it played out because I felt bad that I didn't honestly know too much about the subject even though it's fairly recent history. This made me feel kind of bad because I didn't want to let the movie make up my mind about Nixon, or David Frost for that matter, before knowing more about the subjects. I had never even heard of these interviews before so upon getting home I did some internet research on the interviews and who Frost was/is. It turns out David Frost earned being knighted in England and still does a lot of quality reporting (he does a video series called Frost over the World on AlJazeeraEnglish's YouTube Channel...here). He was even a guest on The Daily Show in which he discusses the Nixon interviews (watch Jon Stewart attempt to blow him here). The guy who played Dick Nixon, Frank Langella, was amazing and is deserving of the Academy Award for best actor in my opinion. Langella has played cocksuckers in the past (see 'Good Night and Good Luck,' and 'Dave') which served him well in playing one of the biggest uber-douches in history. From what I can tell about Nixon, the only person I think I can find comparison to is former college basketball coach Bob Knight. A bully of the most uptight and virtuous variety who thinks they are immune from the most basic social edicts because they feel they're doing work of a higher order. I get the feeling that Nixon, like Knight, felt he could do whatever he wanted at any given point because he truly believed the ends justified the means. In the same manner Knight, a true dictator, felt it was alright to physically and mentally abuse players, Nixon deemed it alright to break countless laws for what he thought was 'political containment' after Watergate. Overall, while I wasn't alive during Nixon's faux pas', I get the feeling the movie did a very fair job of portraying the man and the events the movie focus' on. Unlike Oliver Stone's 'W,' (which from what I hear and percieved from commercials) which was an all-out lambasting of George W. Bush, 'Frost/Nixon' made Nixon out to be a sympathetic character in some ways, a true prisoner of his own personality. The candid conversations between Frost and Nixon are the most interesting parts of the movie, I only wonder how much of those were actual discussions or if they were generalizations of shorter statements or perceptions of Nixon's actions toward Frost. Either way, I strongly encourage everyone to see it. While it was great, I can't say it was better than 'Slumdog Millionaire.' It definately wasn't as uniquely done or as entertaining as a whole. To be honest, after seeing 'Frost/Nixon' once, I'm not sure what would ever really possess me to see it again, not cause it's bad, just because I'm not sure what I would gain from watching it again. It did inspire me to do research on the subject however, which is something most movies don't do. Wow, that review went kind of long, sorry about that.
Here is possibly my second favorite song from 2008, Does it Offend You, Yeah?'s Dawn of the Dead. Super catchy song, terribly horrendous video.
Topic #1- In an attempt to expand my verbal horizons and stay mentally sharp I subscribed some time ago to a daily email called 'Word of the Day.' You can check it out here if you're not to vacuous. To pass on this adeptness to my glorious readers, I will be dispersing some of these words throughout my posts, to help you proliferate your mental acuity as well. It will be kind of a little divertissement that we, me the writer and you the reader, will play to see if you can find these appellations and start to use them in your everyday life. A game of cat and mouse if you will, except in this game everyone will be a winner because we will be gaining knowledge together (I wanted to find a little known, formal word for knowledge, but as it turns out there aren't any better alternatives, imagine that).
Topic #2- I saw 'Frost/Nixon' last night and thought it was pretty excellent. I had a really odd feeling though as it played out because I felt bad that I didn't honestly know too much about the subject even though it's fairly recent history. This made me feel kind of bad because I didn't want to let the movie make up my mind about Nixon, or David Frost for that matter, before knowing more about the subjects. I had never even heard of these interviews before so upon getting home I did some internet research on the interviews and who Frost was/is. It turns out David Frost earned being knighted in England and still does a lot of quality reporting (he does a video series called Frost over the World on AlJazeeraEnglish's YouTube Channel...here). He was even a guest on The Daily Show in which he discusses the Nixon interviews (watch Jon Stewart attempt to blow him here). The guy who played Dick Nixon, Frank Langella, was amazing and is deserving of the Academy Award for best actor in my opinion. Langella has played cocksuckers in the past (see 'Good Night and Good Luck,' and 'Dave') which served him well in playing one of the biggest uber-douches in history. From what I can tell about Nixon, the only person I think I can find comparison to is former college basketball coach Bob Knight. A bully of the most uptight and virtuous variety who thinks they are immune from the most basic social edicts because they feel they're doing work of a higher order. I get the feeling that Nixon, like Knight, felt he could do whatever he wanted at any given point because he truly believed the ends justified the means. In the same manner Knight, a true dictator, felt it was alright to physically and mentally abuse players, Nixon deemed it alright to break countless laws for what he thought was 'political containment' after Watergate. Overall, while I wasn't alive during Nixon's faux pas', I get the feeling the movie did a very fair job of portraying the man and the events the movie focus' on. Unlike Oliver Stone's 'W,' (which from what I hear and percieved from commercials) which was an all-out lambasting of George W. Bush, 'Frost/Nixon' made Nixon out to be a sympathetic character in some ways, a true prisoner of his own personality. The candid conversations between Frost and Nixon are the most interesting parts of the movie, I only wonder how much of those were actual discussions or if they were generalizations of shorter statements or perceptions of Nixon's actions toward Frost. Either way, I strongly encourage everyone to see it. While it was great, I can't say it was better than 'Slumdog Millionaire.' It definately wasn't as uniquely done or as entertaining as a whole. To be honest, after seeing 'Frost/Nixon' once, I'm not sure what would ever really possess me to see it again, not cause it's bad, just because I'm not sure what I would gain from watching it again. It did inspire me to do research on the subject however, which is something most movies don't do. Wow, that review went kind of long, sorry about that.
Here is possibly my second favorite song from 2008, Does it Offend You, Yeah?'s Dawn of the Dead. Super catchy song, terribly horrendous video.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
LOST Premiere Diary
I know in my last post I said I would finish telling you why my weekend was so piss poor in my next entry. Well, hate to dissapoint but with the LOST premiere, some things have to take a back seat. If you're truly dying to know what happened on Saturday night and Sunday feel free to call/email me and I'll give you all the details. If not, heres the short version: Saturday night I could barely walk cause I ran 18 miles and I was set-up on a blind date that didn't really go so well. Sunday, I had to watch the Browns two biggest rivals, the Steelers and Ravens play for the AFC championship...humongous slap in the face, actually I'd rather not talk about that. Onto the important stuff...
I'm not really sure how to put into words how excited I was for the LOST season 5 premiere last night. The writers strike basically ruined my life last year as we were only given 13 episodes of the best show ever put on free broadcast television, and ever since then I've had an empty feeling inside that not even more cowbell could cure. While the season 4 finale was the best single episode of any tv show in the history of the world, I still felt robbed and was looking forward to this new season like it was nobody's business. When the airdate for the season 5 premiere was announced last fall I was like a really fat guy hearing about the new Triple Angry Whopper at Burger King, except my appetite was for a triple helping of Desmond, Jack, and Kate. Wow, when I read that last sentence out loud it sounds pretty gay. Actually, not just pretty gay, it sounds super duper Short North, Columbus gay. But as Faraday would go on to tell Sawyer in the premiere, "You can't change the past James." So to honor the show, I won't change the homoerotic sentence, not for you, not for anybody.
To best chronicle my thoughts as the show unfolded I decided I would keep a running diary of what was happening. A few thoughts before the show starts, FOX made one good call and one bad call with their programming choices tonight. Good- moving American Idol to 8 so it didn't compete with the actual premiere. Bad- premiering the new show 'Lie to Me' at 10 pm, during the 2nd hour of LOST. If you're Tim Roth you must be killing your agent, you go from being in a kickass movie like 'Reservoir Dogs' to being put in a pilot that premieres during the same time slot of a ratings monster? Yikes, Ari Gold would never let shit like that happen to one of his clients. I was also going to put in a little tirade about TBS airing the new Tyler Perry show 'Meet the Browns,' which I'm sure is hilarious, cough, cough, during the LOST premiere. I was going to...but now I'm not. Onto the LOST...the first hour was basically a refresher of the past 4 seasons for people who possibly just started watching. The real good stuff didn't start til 9...
9:00 pm EST- The show starts with the Asian doctor who goes by 3 different names attempting to film a Dharma Initiative educational film in the past only to be called away by a worker, as they talk a person walks up and takes off his hardhat to reveal its Daniel Faraday! Oh snap! It looks like this guy is going to play a big role from here on in, he's a shaky guy, but he's better than the other members of the freighter research team.
9:06- Ben and Jack are at the funeral home and decide they need to take Locke's body. Does it get any lower than stealing a dead guys body from a shitty funeral home (or nice funeral home for that matter) with a drugged-out, boozed-up surgeon who has a shitty beard? I think Ben Linus needs to re-evaluate the people he hangs out with. If he was wearing sweatpants I'd say he had absolutely positiely 100% hit rock bottom.
9:12- First text from my LOST buddy Jimmy- 'LOST is back.' You're goddamn right it is.
9:18- Uh oh, Locke looks up to see the crashing plane of Yemi, the Priest brother of my second favorite LOST character, Mr. Eko. Dear GOD, I don't ask for much but please, please, bring back Mr. Eko for at least a 2 episode arc. Thank you. Sincerely, Brandon C. Deagle
9:27- If I were Sayid I wouldn't be caught dead with Hurley. Hurley is easiestly the worst character on the show. Sayid was in my top 3 characters for a while, especially after the season 2 episode 'One of Them,' in which it is revealed his nickname is Sayid the Torturer. I wish that was my nickname, how awesome would that be if when I walked into a bar everyone said, "Hey! It's Brandon the Torturer! Let's have a beer!" Sadly, I'm not sure Sayid is even in my top 5 characters anymore, he's really forgotten what he's about...the torturing.
9:36- It's obvious by this point that Faraday is now a major player. It's too bad I hate him, not Daniel Faraday, or the guy that plays him (Jeremy Davies), but the fact that Davies played Corporal Upham in 'Saving Private Ryan.' Upham is the biggest pussy character in any movie ever. First, he lets the one Jewish soldier take a knife in the throat from a Kraut and just stands there. Second, he shoots the same kraut later in the movie...while he's unarmed. Classy. See, I don't believe in guns of any sort, I think they're for cowards. I'm a hand-to-hand combat guy, if you can't get it done with your fists, you are a pussy, just like Upham.
9:40- The white ageless man Richard Alpert tells John Locke "You're going to have to die John." One of the five best LOST lines, the best line hands down is still "We have to go back Kate! We have to go back!"
9:50- My main man Desmond Hume finally gets some screen time. Desmond is the best character ever. I'm the only person I know that feels that way and I don't care. He rules. Faraday tells him that he is unique and special. Goddamn do I know how to pick talent.
9:59- Another reason why Hurley is the worst character on the show, after being found by Penny Widmore's boat he refuses to go along with the other 5 members of the Oceanic 6, in terms of lying about what happened on the island. I hate that guy, how can you trust someone who was stuck on an island for half a year and didn't lose a single pound. What a joke.
10:09- I hate to make a positive comment about Hurley, but seeing him buy a "I Love my Shih-Tzu" t-shirt reminds me of the summer of 1997 when I drove with my friends Ed and Alex to our Fraternity's summer leadership conference in Ed's grandpa's truck...which had a bumper sticker that said "I Love my Schnauzer." That week was hilarious, I've never seen 3 people reaach such rockstar status as we did over those few days. We were easily the coolest guys there. Man how things change, ahhhhh, memories.
10:12- Kate Austin sucks as a character, but if she wanted to consider you her son, even if she wasn't...would you care? Hell no, she is fine as hell. Her character did blow up her shitty stepdad though, that was pretty sweet.
10:18- During the commercial break there is a spot for the local ABC affiliate WSYX Channel 6 featuring their head news guy Gabe Spiegel. Does that sound like the name of the guy you want to get your news from? No. That sounds like the name of a guy who has to register as a sex offender whenever he moves to a new county. Here's how bad channel 6's ratings were, they had to combine with the local FOX affiliate for news to try to compete with the NBC and CBS stations...and combined they're still ranked 3rd...out of 3...two stations combined. Thats spectacular.
10:26- Flaming arrows? What is this? Braveheart, Gladiator? WTF. At least crybaby Neil takes one in the chest. Christ, the guy had been on screen for 2 minutes and I already wanted him dead. Maybe he got a DUI in Honalulu last week and the directors needed to kill him off, either way I'm fine with it.
10:43- Reason 2,741 to hate Hurley, he lets the cat out of the bag that the Oceanic 6 have been lying about what happened on the island to his mom. This guy is terrible.
10:48- Another Channel 6 commercial with Gabe Spiegel claiming they have the inside scoop on why United 1549 went down in the Hudson last week. No shit? You think it was the Canadian geese like they've been saying since day 1? Way to crack the case Sherlock. What's next? You have the skinny on who's burried in Grant's tomb? Keep up the good work Gabe! And, who names their kid Gabe without having the expectation of their kid getting pummeled daily until they're at least 16 or 17. And, if you're name isn't Gabe and you're trying to break into tv/movies, why the fuck would you change your name to Gabe? I would change my name to Humpy before I would change it to Gabe. Humpy Deagle. Deal with it.
10:50- Is Troy Polamalu Sayid's stunt double? For a split second their I thought he was going to intercept that needle from Jack and take it back for 6. Fuck me, why are commie Steelers present in every aspect of my life? What have I done to deserve this?
10:56- It's the last few minutes of the show, something big has to happen. Theres a woman working near some computers and she goes upstairs and Ben Linus is there to talk to her. She turns around and...and...it's Miss Hawking! They talk and we're led to believe that she's the puppetmaster pulling all the strings! I think my head is about to explode, I need to go to bed. Only 166 hours until the next episode!
I'm not really sure how to put into words how excited I was for the LOST season 5 premiere last night. The writers strike basically ruined my life last year as we were only given 13 episodes of the best show ever put on free broadcast television, and ever since then I've had an empty feeling inside that not even more cowbell could cure. While the season 4 finale was the best single episode of any tv show in the history of the world, I still felt robbed and was looking forward to this new season like it was nobody's business. When the airdate for the season 5 premiere was announced last fall I was like a really fat guy hearing about the new Triple Angry Whopper at Burger King, except my appetite was for a triple helping of Desmond, Jack, and Kate. Wow, when I read that last sentence out loud it sounds pretty gay. Actually, not just pretty gay, it sounds super duper Short North, Columbus gay. But as Faraday would go on to tell Sawyer in the premiere, "You can't change the past James." So to honor the show, I won't change the homoerotic sentence, not for you, not for anybody.
To best chronicle my thoughts as the show unfolded I decided I would keep a running diary of what was happening. A few thoughts before the show starts, FOX made one good call and one bad call with their programming choices tonight. Good- moving American Idol to 8 so it didn't compete with the actual premiere. Bad- premiering the new show 'Lie to Me' at 10 pm, during the 2nd hour of LOST. If you're Tim Roth you must be killing your agent, you go from being in a kickass movie like 'Reservoir Dogs' to being put in a pilot that premieres during the same time slot of a ratings monster? Yikes, Ari Gold would never let shit like that happen to one of his clients. I was also going to put in a little tirade about TBS airing the new Tyler Perry show 'Meet the Browns,' which I'm sure is hilarious, cough, cough, during the LOST premiere. I was going to...but now I'm not. Onto the LOST...the first hour was basically a refresher of the past 4 seasons for people who possibly just started watching. The real good stuff didn't start til 9...
9:00 pm EST- The show starts with the Asian doctor who goes by 3 different names attempting to film a Dharma Initiative educational film in the past only to be called away by a worker, as they talk a person walks up and takes off his hardhat to reveal its Daniel Faraday! Oh snap! It looks like this guy is going to play a big role from here on in, he's a shaky guy, but he's better than the other members of the freighter research team.
9:06- Ben and Jack are at the funeral home and decide they need to take Locke's body. Does it get any lower than stealing a dead guys body from a shitty funeral home (or nice funeral home for that matter) with a drugged-out, boozed-up surgeon who has a shitty beard? I think Ben Linus needs to re-evaluate the people he hangs out with. If he was wearing sweatpants I'd say he had absolutely positiely 100% hit rock bottom.
9:12- First text from my LOST buddy Jimmy- 'LOST is back.' You're goddamn right it is.
9:18- Uh oh, Locke looks up to see the crashing plane of Yemi, the Priest brother of my second favorite LOST character, Mr. Eko. Dear GOD, I don't ask for much but please, please, bring back Mr. Eko for at least a 2 episode arc. Thank you. Sincerely, Brandon C. Deagle
9:27- If I were Sayid I wouldn't be caught dead with Hurley. Hurley is easiestly the worst character on the show. Sayid was in my top 3 characters for a while, especially after the season 2 episode 'One of Them,' in which it is revealed his nickname is Sayid the Torturer. I wish that was my nickname, how awesome would that be if when I walked into a bar everyone said, "Hey! It's Brandon the Torturer! Let's have a beer!" Sadly, I'm not sure Sayid is even in my top 5 characters anymore, he's really forgotten what he's about...the torturing.
9:36- It's obvious by this point that Faraday is now a major player. It's too bad I hate him, not Daniel Faraday, or the guy that plays him (Jeremy Davies), but the fact that Davies played Corporal Upham in 'Saving Private Ryan.' Upham is the biggest pussy character in any movie ever. First, he lets the one Jewish soldier take a knife in the throat from a Kraut and just stands there. Second, he shoots the same kraut later in the movie...while he's unarmed. Classy. See, I don't believe in guns of any sort, I think they're for cowards. I'm a hand-to-hand combat guy, if you can't get it done with your fists, you are a pussy, just like Upham.
9:40- The white ageless man Richard Alpert tells John Locke "You're going to have to die John." One of the five best LOST lines, the best line hands down is still "We have to go back Kate! We have to go back!"
9:50- My main man Desmond Hume finally gets some screen time. Desmond is the best character ever. I'm the only person I know that feels that way and I don't care. He rules. Faraday tells him that he is unique and special. Goddamn do I know how to pick talent.
9:59- Another reason why Hurley is the worst character on the show, after being found by Penny Widmore's boat he refuses to go along with the other 5 members of the Oceanic 6, in terms of lying about what happened on the island. I hate that guy, how can you trust someone who was stuck on an island for half a year and didn't lose a single pound. What a joke.
10:09- I hate to make a positive comment about Hurley, but seeing him buy a "I Love my Shih-Tzu" t-shirt reminds me of the summer of 1997 when I drove with my friends Ed and Alex to our Fraternity's summer leadership conference in Ed's grandpa's truck...which had a bumper sticker that said "I Love my Schnauzer." That week was hilarious, I've never seen 3 people reaach such rockstar status as we did over those few days. We were easily the coolest guys there. Man how things change, ahhhhh, memories.
10:12- Kate Austin sucks as a character, but if she wanted to consider you her son, even if she wasn't...would you care? Hell no, she is fine as hell. Her character did blow up her shitty stepdad though, that was pretty sweet.
10:18- During the commercial break there is a spot for the local ABC affiliate WSYX Channel 6 featuring their head news guy Gabe Spiegel. Does that sound like the name of the guy you want to get your news from? No. That sounds like the name of a guy who has to register as a sex offender whenever he moves to a new county. Here's how bad channel 6's ratings were, they had to combine with the local FOX affiliate for news to try to compete with the NBC and CBS stations...and combined they're still ranked 3rd...out of 3...two stations combined. Thats spectacular.
10:26- Flaming arrows? What is this? Braveheart, Gladiator? WTF. At least crybaby Neil takes one in the chest. Christ, the guy had been on screen for 2 minutes and I already wanted him dead. Maybe he got a DUI in Honalulu last week and the directors needed to kill him off, either way I'm fine with it.
10:43- Reason 2,741 to hate Hurley, he lets the cat out of the bag that the Oceanic 6 have been lying about what happened on the island to his mom. This guy is terrible.
10:48- Another Channel 6 commercial with Gabe Spiegel claiming they have the inside scoop on why United 1549 went down in the Hudson last week. No shit? You think it was the Canadian geese like they've been saying since day 1? Way to crack the case Sherlock. What's next? You have the skinny on who's burried in Grant's tomb? Keep up the good work Gabe! And, who names their kid Gabe without having the expectation of their kid getting pummeled daily until they're at least 16 or 17. And, if you're name isn't Gabe and you're trying to break into tv/movies, why the fuck would you change your name to Gabe? I would change my name to Humpy before I would change it to Gabe. Humpy Deagle. Deal with it.
10:50- Is Troy Polamalu Sayid's stunt double? For a split second their I thought he was going to intercept that needle from Jack and take it back for 6. Fuck me, why are commie Steelers present in every aspect of my life? What have I done to deserve this?
10:56- It's the last few minutes of the show, something big has to happen. Theres a woman working near some computers and she goes upstairs and Ben Linus is there to talk to her. She turns around and...and...it's Miss Hawking! They talk and we're led to believe that she's the puppetmaster pulling all the strings! I think my head is about to explode, I need to go to bed. Only 166 hours until the next episode!
Monday, January 19, 2009
A Tough Weekend- Part 1
I'm not gonna sugar coat this one kids, this weekend was a pretty big kick in the jewels to your old friend Hoops. Who would have thought that sitting around the house last Friday and going to bed at 11pm would be the highlight of the past 4 days? Certainly not me, and I'm seriously doubting you thought so either. After all, I'm an international man of mystery who's slept in dumpsters and gotten drunk with kings (that's a Kid Rock reference to all of my Detroit readers)! The weekend should be my time to shine, but tragically not in this case. Lets start with Friday and work our way down the mountain of nonsense. And, come to think of it, Friday wasn't all that great either cause it was about 8 f'n degrees all day. Besides the weather though, I powered through work knowing that I didn't have to run that night. I preface any reference to my running in this or any past/future blog by saying in no way am I trying to compete with my friend Steve's blog about his training for the 2009 Louisville Ironman Triathalon. First, I am merely training in general for a full/half marathon in the near future whereas he is training for a certain event. Second, when I do a full marathon, it's only 26.2 miles, while the total distance of all 3 stages of an Ironman is over 14o miles. You do the math. Third, its a good idea for a blog, I encourage you to check it out and become a follower (he said he'd give me $5 for every person I got to subscribe). Back to Friday...it is generally a day off for myself as I work on building up my weekly 'long run' on Saturdays. So, I get off work and go home and get a good nap cause I had been out drinking til 2am the night before, good times! Upon waking up it was straight to Number 1 Chinese for some boneless spare ribs and hot & sour soup, but...upon placing my order...no soup for me! They're out of gdamn h&s! The cold weather strikes again, and this time it didn't involve me going feet over asshole on a public sidewalk. So ribs and an egg roll, we can deal with this. That combined with a few episodes of LOST season 3 and its off to bed.
Normally, Saturday mornings are my running clubs (Central Ohio Runners) group long runs. My attendance rate isn't very good as normally I'm too hungover and/or tired to show up. Today however, I woke up full of piss and vinegar only to look at the weather and see it's -5! Two words peeps: FUCK THAT! -5 at 8am on a Saturday? Yeah right, back to sleep for me. Brandon must have been tired cause he didn't wake up again until after noon! What a fantastic way to start the day, and a third person reference to boot! After a little breaky, it was time to head out for my long run of the week. Two weeks ago I peeked at 14, last week busted out 16, so the goal today was 18. Things were looking up as the mercury rose to 20 as I was getting ready to leave. Compared to the negative temps the past few days, this felt like a friggin' heatwave, 20 had never felt so good. The run was going good until mile 11 when a driver on a cell phone nearly hit me, thus causing me to change direction suddenly, thus causing me to fall on my ass....again. I need to clarify my previous Facebook status where I claimed I've slipped 4 times this winter. That is incorrect, I would consider 3 of the incidents as a 'slip', and 1 time a 'trip'. They're way different. Luckily for me, there was another car behind that asshole which appeared to have roughly 35 people in it, which all felt the need to point and chuckle as I layed on my stomach in a pile of slush. Seeing how I've already found myself in this position quite a few times this winter, I got up as if nothing happened and went on my way. 7 miles later I had met my goal and shut this running machine down, too bad I was about half a mile from home and my legs had decided to shut down cause when its very cold, you're sweaty, and you have to walk a while...things get bad. Long story short, part way home I had to cut open a fat person and crawl inside for heat, but after a while I got there. I'll get to Saturday night in my next post.
Here's the video of my favorite song of 2008, Kings of Leon's 'Sex on Fire.' Great song, terrible video. They're playing in Columbus next Tuesday....and tix on Stubhub.com are over $100 a piece, ridiculous. (Click here for the video, I was hoping to embed the video in the post but I guess you can't do that w/o having the vid saved to your cpu, sorry)
Normally, Saturday mornings are my running clubs (Central Ohio Runners) group long runs. My attendance rate isn't very good as normally I'm too hungover and/or tired to show up. Today however, I woke up full of piss and vinegar only to look at the weather and see it's -5! Two words peeps: FUCK THAT! -5 at 8am on a Saturday? Yeah right, back to sleep for me. Brandon must have been tired cause he didn't wake up again until after noon! What a fantastic way to start the day, and a third person reference to boot! After a little breaky, it was time to head out for my long run of the week. Two weeks ago I peeked at 14, last week busted out 16, so the goal today was 18. Things were looking up as the mercury rose to 20 as I was getting ready to leave. Compared to the negative temps the past few days, this felt like a friggin' heatwave, 20 had never felt so good. The run was going good until mile 11 when a driver on a cell phone nearly hit me, thus causing me to change direction suddenly, thus causing me to fall on my ass....again. I need to clarify my previous Facebook status where I claimed I've slipped 4 times this winter. That is incorrect, I would consider 3 of the incidents as a 'slip', and 1 time a 'trip'. They're way different. Luckily for me, there was another car behind that asshole which appeared to have roughly 35 people in it, which all felt the need to point and chuckle as I layed on my stomach in a pile of slush. Seeing how I've already found myself in this position quite a few times this winter, I got up as if nothing happened and went on my way. 7 miles later I had met my goal and shut this running machine down, too bad I was about half a mile from home and my legs had decided to shut down cause when its very cold, you're sweaty, and you have to walk a while...things get bad. Long story short, part way home I had to cut open a fat person and crawl inside for heat, but after a while I got there. I'll get to Saturday night in my next post.
Here's the video of my favorite song of 2008, Kings of Leon's 'Sex on Fire.' Great song, terrible video. They're playing in Columbus next Tuesday....and tix on Stubhub.com are over $100 a piece, ridiculous. (Click here for the video, I was hoping to embed the video in the post but I guess you can't do that w/o having the vid saved to your cpu, sorry)
Friday, January 16, 2009
Mr. Plowed
This is pretty freakin' depressing. Its barely half way through January and the weather already has me contemplating ways to kill myself. As I'm sure everyone knows, it is approximately -200 degrees in wintery Columbus, OH today, and that's without the wind chill factored in. This would be a tough week to be a homeless person; first off, you're homeless and you probably don't have a tv to watch next weeks LOST season premiere. Second, Christmas was a few weeks ago and you probably didn't get anything from anybody which is kind of depressing. Third, you probably didn't get invited to any bitchin' New Years Eve parties. There was probably no drunken make-out sessions at midnight with some floozie or early morning bouts of vomiting due to too much mixing of champagne and Gin & Tonics. Actually...if you're homeless you still probably had the vomit session except it was probably due to a- trying to smoke a paper bag cause you thought it was weed, b- too much Thunderbird, or c- getting the shit kicked out of you by some bum-hating yupsters. And fourth, ITS COLD AS ALL FUCK! Dear lord, it was -15 degrees farenheit this morning, -15! How the hell are you supposed to function when it's that cold? At work today I saw a bird fly out from under our roof and I couldn't believe the thing was able to survive. How can a little tiny animal survive without 3 layers of shirts, a jacket, jeans, a hat, and bitchin' winter motorcycle gloves? I have that stuff and was still thinking about driving into oncoming traffic today when I was outside.
There were two positive outcomes to this weeks wintery mix of weather. 1- I love to do donuts and drive sideways in the snow. I know its childish, but I love it. 2- Wednesdays massive snow fall allowed me to whip out approximately 300 Mr. Plow (For non-Simpsons fans click here)references to anyone I came in contact with throughout the day. Believe me when I say, I got quite a few odd looks over the 8.5 hour work day. Can you blame people for thinking I was half retarded? If we never met and the first thing I throw at you is a big "Mr. Plow, thats my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!" What would you do? You'd probably look at me like I had a bad case of leprecy as well. The best part was, the weird looks I got in the morning ended up being the fuel for the fire to keep the Mr. Plow song going. Most normal people would probably stop after their first 4 co-workers gave them the "I think he molests his neighbors cat" look. Not me, I kept the magic going. Oddly enough, I couldn't find any video's of that Simpson's episode or of the commercial Homer made for the company. Even more oddly, it was far easier to find the Plow King commercial with Barney and Linda Rondstadt.
Sooooo, speaking of crappy weather, I went running last night....OUTSIDE. I went out Wednesday night as well when it was cold (mid 20's I think) and snowy, and I struggled to do 7 miles because with the fresh 5 inches of snow I was basically shuffling the whole time and not actually running. I did 7 miles and was gassed. Then last night became a war of wills between Smart Me and Stupid Me. Smart Me said "Let's go to the gym and run on the treadmill." Stupid Me said "How many days will you be able to run when it's 4 degrees? You should do it just to see how bad it is." Long story short...foolish pride won out and Stupid Me was declared the winner. I departed the house with the thermometer reading 4 degrees at 5:12 pm EST wearing leg tights, 3 long sleeve shirts (including 1 mock turtlenect), a jacket, head sock, hat, and gloves. 90 minutes and 10 miles later I got home with the mercury topping out at 3 paltry degrees. I couldn't feel my hands the first two miles and contemplated ducking into the Holiday Inn on Lane Ave. until I got feeling back but I perserv
ered. Here's the aftermath:And yes, my eyes were basically frozen open at this point.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
3&F Mission Statement
First and foremost, we at Third and Forever need to issue a formal apology for the misinformation being disseminated on my Facebook profile. Apparently, an intern here at Third and Forever, LLC. with either a wild sense of humor or terrible grammer felt the need to mistype the name of this blog as thirdandforever.blogspot.com. In fact, as you loyal readers know, the actual site is thirdandforver.blogspot.com, which is a reference to the address of our corporate headquarters (at the corner of Third St. and Forver Ave. in beautiful Missoula, Montana). We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience. This error was pointed out by Follower #2 Kristen, who has a passion for grammer. For her diligence she will receive 20% off in the Third and Forever online store, be sure to check it out for all your mouse pad and customized cuff link needs.
Second, from here on in when we reference this site, we will refer to ourselves as 3&F in the written form. When discussing the site with devout followers and potential readers face to face, we will still refer to the site in third person as 'Third and Forever' and will refuse to use the first person pronouns such as I, us, or we (Kristen, if this is also grammatically incorrect please post an appropriate comment with corrections). We're pretty ethnocentric here at 3&F and are pretty pleased with our product so we have no problem referring to ourselves in the third person more than Ricky Henderson at a Ricky Henderson convention.
Third, like any worthwhile organization, we here at 3&F have a detailed mission statement which informs interweb surfers like yourself of our goals, beliefs, ideals, and uh well... our mission. Some organizations have mission statements that are numerous paragraphs and cover on a litany of subjects the group hopes to address. More acute parties will have their proclamation widdled down to a few sentences, while still being able to convey their point. We are probably more to the side of the latter. Below you will find 3&F's Corporate Mission Statement:
"At Third and Forever, LLC. we promise our fans, employees, and shareholders, that we will never
rest in the endeavor of attempting to pick up chicks, while working our hardest to leave the smallest
carbon footprint possible during our time in operation."
There you have it folks, sorry we weren't able to get that up in our initial post. After reading that, you're probably saying to yourself, "Wow, that's really commendable that they're that committed to the environment." Well, it's true. At 3&F, our first and foremost concern (after picking up lots of lovely ladies of course) is to protect the environment. For example, our office is completely paperless....almost. Instead we use the most high tech computers that contain insane amounts of such environmentally friendly elements as mercury, lead, chromium, etc. That's just our little gift to Mother Earth, after we've left the bar and quit hitting on tons of broads. Thanks for your time, talk soon!
Second, from here on in when we reference this site, we will refer to ourselves as 3&F in the written form. When discussing the site with devout followers and potential readers face to face, we will still refer to the site in third person as 'Third and Forever' and will refuse to use the first person pronouns such as I, us, or we (Kristen, if this is also grammatically incorrect please post an appropriate comment with corrections). We're pretty ethnocentric here at 3&F and are pretty pleased with our product so we have no problem referring to ourselves in the third person more than Ricky Henderson at a Ricky Henderson convention.
Third, like any worthwhile organization, we here at 3&F have a detailed mission statement which informs interweb surfers like yourself of our goals, beliefs, ideals, and uh well... our mission. Some organizations have mission statements that are numerous paragraphs and cover on a litany of subjects the group hopes to address. More acute parties will have their proclamation widdled down to a few sentences, while still being able to convey their point. We are probably more to the side of the latter. Below you will find 3&F's Corporate Mission Statement:
"At Third and Forever, LLC. we promise our fans, employees, and shareholders, that we will never
rest in the endeavor of attempting to pick up chicks, while working our hardest to leave the smallest
carbon footprint possible during our time in operation."
There you have it folks, sorry we weren't able to get that up in our initial post. After reading that, you're probably saying to yourself, "Wow, that's really commendable that they're that committed to the environment." Well, it's true. At 3&F, our first and foremost concern (after picking up lots of lovely ladies of course) is to protect the environment. For example, our office is completely paperless....almost. Instead we use the most high tech computers that contain insane amounts of such environmentally friendly elements as mercury, lead, chromium, etc. That's just our little gift to Mother Earth, after we've left the bar and quit hitting on tons of broads. Thanks for your time, talk soon!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
2009- A Year of Hope
Hello all and happy new year! You were probably thinking that 2009 was going to be a great year for numerous reasons, and now I drop this blog bomb on you. Boo Ya! Consider this your own personal Red Rider BB Gun that your dad just pointed out after you thought you had already opened all your gifts on Christmas morning. Except in this case the gift isn't a gun, its my personal insight and hilarity. And, instead of being hid behind the family's piano (like in A Christmas Story), this blog will be hidden behind the windows of porn you have on your Mozilla Firefox browser. Oh yes my blogosphere friends, 2009 just got a whole lot better than earlier imagined.
Obviously, everyone is optimistic about 2009 for various reasons. Reason #1- 2008 sucked horrendously for a lot of people in a lot of places, especially if you're over 70. The worldwide economic meltdown knew no boundaries and has affected everyone in some way shape for form. For this reason everyone is thinking...hey, 2009 can't be any worse (not a great reason for optimism, but we're clutching at straws here)...right? I'm not so sure about that but I'll pretend to be hopeful so you keep on reading and don't judge me as being a very negative person.
Reason #2 for optimism- Bush is out of office on Jan. 20. Why do I know this? Because the street vendors near my office in the semi-ghetto have the commemorative t-shirts to prove it. I think it's fairly safe to say that GWB has set for record for longest period of being a lame duck president. Most outgoing Heads-of-State have an accepted period after the prez elect is nominated where they kind of check out mentally and worry mostly about stealing anything that isn't nailed down in their publicly paid for house. Unfortunately Bush has just been doing this for about 6 years (I'm sure you thought I was going to type 8 years right there, but I cut him some slack, he didn't ask for 9-11-01 to happen...or did he?).
Reason #3- LOST starts airing new episodes again on Jan. 21. So let me get this straight...an African-American is going to be sworn in as President of the United States of America on the 20th...then new LOST episodes the next day? I might have sensory overload and my head might fucking explode! Until this last election my voting record was 0-2, at least now I'm at 1-2 (if that was my batting average the Yankee's would sign me for $30 million a year), so I was glad to get off the schnide (sp?), and I can't wait to get loaded during his inauguration and scream at Republicans at the bar like I was watching OSU pound Michigan and rub it in. That being said, for these two life changing events to happen on back-to-back days might be too much for me to handle. I hope I can make it through the whole first episode without this happening (if you don't click any other links I suggest you hit up this one, hilarious!).
Reason #4- My birthday is on February 10. Obviously my birthday takes place every year, regardless of the state of the world...but I just wanted to remind everyone of that so I could be lavished with gifts. And if I'm not lavished with gifts that means the terrorists have already won, and we don't want that now do we?
So there are 4 great reasons for why 2009 should/could be better than 2008. I have to admit though, another reason for my pessimism is that on New Years Eve I had pizza at the best pizza place in the world, yes, Myles Pizza in Bowling Green, Ohio, which also gets me excited (sorry, it is applicable). That event also brought about the closest instance of me punching a woman square in the face...but I didn't! I'll tell that story in another post (In no way, shape, or form does anyone associated with Third and Forever, LLC. support violence against women for any reason, even if they lose your pizza. Management suggests showing your displeasure by not tipping, not by throwing left jabs). That means '08 went out on an incredibly high note and set up '09 for extreme failure. BUT...BUT...BUT...we had leftovers which I brought home and warmed up in the oven the next day...which was Jan. 1, 2009! Everyone knows my motto: the best pizza is Myles Pizza, the second best is oven warmed Myles leftovers!
You're probably saying, "Hoops, isn't this a sports blog? You didn't bring up sports once." Partially true my friends, but as you'll find out this blog is more about this crazy thing we call life. Be sure to become a subscriber so you don't miss anything from this point forward, cause if you do...again, that means the terrorists have won. And none of us want that on our conscious.
Obviously, everyone is optimistic about 2009 for various reasons. Reason #1- 2008 sucked horrendously for a lot of people in a lot of places, especially if you're over 70. The worldwide economic meltdown knew no boundaries and has affected everyone in some way shape for form. For this reason everyone is thinking...hey, 2009 can't be any worse (not a great reason for optimism, but we're clutching at straws here)...right? I'm not so sure about that but I'll pretend to be hopeful so you keep on reading and don't judge me as being a very negative person.
Reason #2 for optimism- Bush is out of office on Jan. 20. Why do I know this? Because the street vendors near my office in the semi-ghetto have the commemorative t-shirts to prove it. I think it's fairly safe to say that GWB has set for record for longest period of being a lame duck president. Most outgoing Heads-of-State have an accepted period after the prez elect is nominated where they kind of check out mentally and worry mostly about stealing anything that isn't nailed down in their publicly paid for house. Unfortunately Bush has just been doing this for about 6 years (I'm sure you thought I was going to type 8 years right there, but I cut him some slack, he didn't ask for 9-11-01 to happen...or did he?).
Reason #3- LOST starts airing new episodes again on Jan. 21. So let me get this straight...an African-American is going to be sworn in as President of the United States of America on the 20th...then new LOST episodes the next day? I might have sensory overload and my head might fucking explode! Until this last election my voting record was 0-2, at least now I'm at 1-2 (if that was my batting average the Yankee's would sign me for $30 million a year), so I was glad to get off the schnide (sp?), and I can't wait to get loaded during his inauguration and scream at Republicans at the bar like I was watching OSU pound Michigan and rub it in. That being said, for these two life changing events to happen on back-to-back days might be too much for me to handle. I hope I can make it through the whole first episode without this happening (if you don't click any other links I suggest you hit up this one, hilarious!).
Reason #4- My birthday is on February 10. Obviously my birthday takes place every year, regardless of the state of the world...but I just wanted to remind everyone of that so I could be lavished with gifts. And if I'm not lavished with gifts that means the terrorists have already won, and we don't want that now do we?
So there are 4 great reasons for why 2009 should/could be better than 2008. I have to admit though, another reason for my pessimism is that on New Years Eve I had pizza at the best pizza place in the world, yes, Myles Pizza in Bowling Green, Ohio, which also gets me excited (sorry, it is applicable). That event also brought about the closest instance of me punching a woman square in the face...but I didn't! I'll tell that story in another post (In no way, shape, or form does anyone associated with Third and Forever, LLC. support violence against women for any reason, even if they lose your pizza. Management suggests showing your displeasure by not tipping, not by throwing left jabs). That means '08 went out on an incredibly high note and set up '09 for extreme failure. BUT...BUT...BUT...we had leftovers which I brought home and warmed up in the oven the next day...which was Jan. 1, 2009! Everyone knows my motto: the best pizza is Myles Pizza, the second best is oven warmed Myles leftovers!
You're probably saying, "Hoops, isn't this a sports blog? You didn't bring up sports once." Partially true my friends, but as you'll find out this blog is more about this crazy thing we call life. Be sure to become a subscriber so you don't miss anything from this point forward, cause if you do...again, that means the terrorists have won. And none of us want that on our conscious.
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