Mr. Plowed

This is pretty freakin' depressing. Its barely half way through January and the weather already has me contemplating ways to kill myself. As I'm sure everyone knows, it is approximately -200 degrees in wintery Columbus, OH today, and that's without the wind chill factored in. This would be a tough week to be a homeless person; first off, you're homeless and you probably don't have a tv to watch next weeks LOST season premiere. Second, Christmas was a few weeks ago and you probably didn't get anything from anybody which is kind of depressing. Third, you probably didn't get invited to any bitchin' New Years Eve parties. There was probably no drunken make-out sessions at midnight with some floozie or early morning bouts of vomiting due to too much mixing of champagne and Gin & Tonics. Actually...if you're homeless you still probably had the vomit session except it was probably due to a- trying to smoke a paper bag cause you thought it was weed, b- too much Thunderbird, or c- getting the shit kicked out of you by some bum-hating yupsters. And fourth, ITS COLD AS ALL FUCK! Dear lord, it was -15 degrees farenheit this morning, -15! How the hell are you supposed to function when it's that cold? At work today I saw a bird fly out from under our roof and I couldn't believe the thing was able to survive. How can a little tiny animal survive without 3 layers of shirts, a jacket, jeans, a hat, and bitchin' winter motorcycle gloves? I have that stuff and was still thinking about driving into oncoming traffic today when I was outside.

There were two positive outcomes to this weeks wintery mix of weather. 1- I love to do donuts and drive sideways in the snow. I know its childish, but I love it. 2- Wednesdays massive snow fall allowed me to whip out approximately 300 Mr. Plow (For non-Simpsons fans click here)references to anyone I came in contact with throughout the day. Believe me when I say, I got quite a few odd looks over the 8.5 hour work day. Can you blame people for thinking I was half retarded? If we never met and the first thing I throw at you is a big "Mr. Plow, thats my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!" What would you do? You'd probably look at me like I had a bad case of leprecy as well. The best part was, the weird looks I got in the morning ended up being the fuel for the fire to keep the Mr. Plow song going. Most normal people would probably stop after their first 4 co-workers gave them the "I think he molests his neighbors cat" look. Not me, I kept the magic going. Oddly enough, I couldn't find any video's of that Simpson's episode or of the commercial Homer made for the company. Even more oddly, it was far easier to find the Plow King commercial with Barney and Linda Rondstadt.

Sooooo, speaking of crappy weather, I went running last night....OUTSIDE. I went out Wednesday night as well when it was cold (mid 20's I think) and snowy, and I struggled to do 7 miles because with the fresh 5 inches of snow I was basically shuffling the whole time and not actually running. I did 7 miles and was gassed. Then last night became a war of wills between Smart Me and Stupid Me. Smart Me said "Let's go to the gym and run on the treadmill." Stupid Me said "How many days will you be able to run when it's 4 degrees? You should do it just to see how bad it is." Long story short...foolish pride won out and Stupid Me was declared the winner. I departed the house with the thermometer reading 4 degrees at 5:12 pm EST wearing leg tights, 3 long sleeve shirts (including 1 mock turtlenect), a jacket, head sock, hat, and gloves. 90 minutes and 10 miles later I got home with the mercury topping out at 3 paltry degrees. I couldn't feel my hands the first two miles and contemplated ducking into the Holiday Inn on Lane Ave. until I got feeling back but I perservered. Here's the aftermath:
And yes, my eyes were basically frozen open at this point.