The Gift That Keeps on Giving

As first reported here last night, my sources in Phoenix say Shaquille O'Neal was seen getting down with the JabbaWockeeZ (from here on referred to as Dan) during the pre-game intros of last nights NBA all-star game. This routine completely blew my mind and I've watched it about 100 times today up to this point. Here it is, embedded for your enjoyment:



After doing a little research about Dan, I've found out a few things that I will now disclose to help expand your mind. Item 1- Dan was the season 3 champion of MTV's America's Best Dance Crew. Item 2- Before filming began for the MTV show, one of the members of the crew died. That's a bummer. Item 3- Their name comes from a poem written by Lewis Carroll called 'Jabberwocky' that was mentioned in 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.' Item 4- All members of Dan are required to bring at least 2 different colored Snuggie's on the road with them. It's possible one of these four things isn't true, I challenge you to figure out which one.

Possibly the best thing about the NBA all-star weekend was the ability to hype up the Shaquille "The Big Shaqtus" O'Neal-Kobe "The Black Mamba" Bryant fued. Actually, the amazingly large number of times I've had to use the hyphen key on my keyboard the past two entrys is the best thing to come of this weekend...the Shaq-Kobe fued thing is #2. The best rumor I read was that Shaq blames Kobe for his divorce because apparently in testimony from his rape case, Bryant went on in detail about Shaq's encounters with numerous women over the years. Shaq apparently wasn't upset that he had cheated on his wife on what appears to be hundreds, possibly thousands of times, he was just upset his wife heard about it. My personal theory is that Shaq wants to go back to L.A., but that Kobe would rather lose the NBA finals w/o Shaq than win with him. Kobe is a real interesting cat, I'd really like to meet him. You know how people say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile? I don't think this applies to Bryant, everytime he smiles on tv, I get the sense he'd rather be getting chemotherapy than trying to force a half-assed completely disingenuine grin. Shaqtastic...29 points.

Another thought I forgot to mention last night was why haven't there been any inklings whatsoever about NBA stars shooting roids? Has anyone seen LeBron James or Dwight Howard lately? Dear christ, they're freakin' monsters! Check out how LBJ gets huge here, and Superman here. Although, apparently they'll never be as big as Rasheed Wallace. I guess the only evidence against them is their size, because all those guys seem extraordinarily nice to each other, the media, and fans. The NBA is in the midst of a huge renaissance right now and these two are just a few of the guys leading the way, it's funny how the American public responds to a sport when it isn't being led by a bunch of self-centered overpaid trouble-causing gangstas. Sure, LBJ et al. are overpaid, but they seem like cool guys.