We Don't Give a Damn...

...for the whole state of Michigan. At least that's how the song of Ohio State faithful goes. Obviously that little ditty wasn't written with the $1.25 beers that the fine village of Frankenmuth, Michigan goes. Don't get me wrong, this blog isn't going to turn into a big love fest for the state up north, but it's possible that behind the Wolverines, snowmobiles, and camouflage, the state might have something good to offer. Heading into enemy territory during daylight hours for over 48 hours, like this trip would require, normally isn't my cup of tea. Normally, I'm more of a covert assassin like during my times pulling special ops in 'Nam. Get in under the cover of darkness, take out your target, and get out before the enemy never even knew you were there. It's hard to operate this way during a wedding though, so I knew I was going to have to work out of my comfort zone. I was even going to have to drive right by Ann Arbor, this would prove to be a test of my mental fortitude.

The reason for heading to The Muth was for my friend Jeff Sypek's wedding, the reception actually. The wedding was somewhere called Essexville, 'The Gateway to Saginaw Bay', roughly 25 miles north of The Muth. The reception was in Frankenmuth proper, home of 3 bars open until roughly 2am...or so they claim. The drive from Columbus to there was roughly 270 miles, so I took Friday off of work so that I could take my time getting there and stop in Bowling Green for lunch. After only being able to force down 3 pieces of Myles, I boxed up the leftovers, hit the SBX for some sweet BGSU brown hoodies and hit the road up RT. 23 for the remaining 150 miles. Upon getting to the hotel, my date for the weekend, a guy named Kermit, was about to land so I head north to the bustling MBS airport to pick him up. Friday night started at the Main Street Tavern where beers were $2.50, popcorn was .25 cents, and they had 1 speaker to jam the tunes. After a few beers we headed a few blocks south to Tiffany's for what would prove to be the highlight of the weekend, $1.25 cans of Old Style Light! The remainder of the night was spent there with uber-nerd, FIJI, and snazzy dresser, Northwestern neuroscientist Adam Stocker. At bar close we headed back to the hotel not having done any shots.

Saturday, we started off by hitting local haunt T-Dubs for breakfast. When I initially did internet research to familiarize myself with The Muth, I found T-Dubs and had a utopian vision of it being some kind of bizarro B-Dubs, where hot wings and draft beer ruled the landscape. This was not so. While the T did have a few draft beers and some bootleg 'Wing Dings' it wasn't what I was hoping for, but oh well. At 11am we ordered our first beers for the day, we were off and running! After getting some good grub in our bellies, we headed across the street to Tiffany's for a few cheap cold ones before we needed to change and head to the wedding. After 4 or 5 there, we got dressed up and hit the wedding. It was a basic wedding, I don't really have anything to say about it. On our way back though, we hit what looked like someones house that said 'John's Bar.' We walked in and preceeded to be looked at by everyone in there like we just walked in from Jupiter. This happened no matter where we went, it was very strange. My theory is that in towns based on tourism like The Muth, locals never know what kind of out-of-town weirdo is walking in next so when they hear the door open they always turn to look to see what they're dealing with. The lady working was nice though so we had a few beers with the Guss' before heading back to Tiffany's for the second time of the day, but not the last time either. This time the bartender recognized us and got us beers before we even asked...and proceeded just to run us a tab. We had been in town 20 hours and we had already reached local status! After a few more there it was time to hit up the reception at Zehnder's.

The reception was a good time. Two of the bartenders were mixing good drinks, the third however was really being ants at a picnic. Yeah, I said it, ants at a picnic. She was only mixing drinks w/ 1 shot of liquor while the one guy, Side Show Bob, and his cohort were mixing doubles. For my free drinking dollar, I want more bang for my buck, so the lady got ignored and I did my best to spread the word with everyone in attendance not to get drinks from her. She was issue #1, issue #2 was that the bar was closed while dinner was served. This was slightly irritating, but luckily a few people at the table had stocked up for some kind of drinking apocalypse so I stole some drinks from them and the day was saved. The rest of the reception went well, the dj whipped out the Boss' 'Glory Days' and a little 'Chicken Polka,' and we were the last ones to leave. When the dj has broken down his equipment and you're still there drinking, it's probably time to go, but hey, I had been tipping Side Show Bob good so he let us hang. After that, we hit up Tiffany's for one last time. There we saw the young ladies from the reception wait staff and had a few beers with them. By the time we got home at the end of the night it was after 1am which meant we had been drinking for 14 hours, quality stuff! BTW, the chicken dinners at Zehnders are completely overrated, the mashed potatoes were good, and judging by how many rolls Kermit ate, they were good too...real good.